March 26, 2013

Europe Beware! It is Happening Again!

History is repeating itself! The Germans are marching once again in their zealous campaign to gain dominion over Europe. Those that would think the Germans simple enough to repeat the mistakes made seventy years ago – when they last sallied forth in order to subjugate Europe – couldn’t be more wrong. This enemy, devious and full of low cunning, has devised a convoluted strategy of such brilliance that it is beyond the comprehension of mortal men to unravel. Nonetheless, I will herein try to bring the details of this devilish scheme to the light of day.

History is repeating itself! The Germans are marching once again in their zealous campaign to gain dominion over Europe. Those that would think the Germans simple enough to repeat the mistakes made seventy years ago – when they last sallied forth in order to subjugate Europe – couldn’t be more wrong. This enemy, devious and full of low cunning, has devised a convoluted strategy of such brilliance that it is beyond the comprehension of mortal men to unravel. Nonetheless, I will herein try to bring the details of this devilish scheme to the light of day.

The first thing that has to be understood is that the Germans have learned that their eventual victory would not be assured with a quick decisive victory of a military campaign. This route has led to damnation and ruin. No, they have learned patience. So it comes as no surprise that the scheme described here was devised and initiated amidst the ruins of lives and possessions left by the last failed German attempt at supremacy. Only with extreme patience and perseverance has the Hun been able to execute this plan, slowly gnawing at the roots of the tree of freedom and liberty in Europe.

Since the end of World War II Germany, in a stroke of genius, has pretended to be a champion of peace and cooperation on the continent, fooling even its most distrustful enemies. Over the better part of a century it has slowly and inexorably tied Europe together in a web of common institutions and regulations, seemingly to enhance the lives of all Europeans. In reality however, much like Hitler built the Autobahn for his tanks, Germany was only laying the groundwork for a future armored blitzkrieg. This time, however, German clout is in its economy, not in its army or its tanks.

The next part of the German plan was to be its first strike. The target, however, was so cunningly chosen that no one expected it – in fact many can still not believe it: Cyprus! Yes, this poor island utopia, where banks operate free from repression, where taxes are low and where many honorable Russian philanthropists bring their hard-earned money before putting it at the disposal of humanity. The absurdity of Cyprus as a target—considering its almost insignificant population and GDP—is is what makes this move so brilliant. Poland had been too obvious a choice in 1939.

In order for this plan to work, Germany needed to circumvent the Cypriots’ defenses. The first step towards this end was to coerce Cyprus, together with the other European allies, into the economic and monetary Union. Now, as the Germans knew, it was only a matter of time before the deranged fiscal and monetary practices imposed on Europe – namely low inflation and manageable public debt – would lead to the collapse of countries with time-honored economic policies of over- borrowing and devaluation. The specific target of this scheme was Greece, even though collateral damage was accepted in other previously-thriving economies unable to grasp the malign consequences of becoming entangled in the German web of financial deviousness was accepted.

Why Greece? In another eerie case of history repeating itself Germany, much like it used Belgium to avoid the Maginot line, used Greece to get at Cyprus. The Germans knew that the Cypriot bankers are capable and savvy financial experts, who only invest in the most secure of assets, like Greek government bonds. Therefore, Germany needed to bring the Greek economy to its knees before it could penetrate the island fastness of Cyprus.

However, unlike in 1939, the German strike has been met with silence from other European states. Why, wonder the poor people of Cyprus? Where is the solidarity that we’ve been showing Europe all these years? Have we not put all their best efforts towards resolving our differences with Turkey and bringing peace to the island, as promised when joining the EU? Did we not safeguard the interests of those benevolent Russian investors bent on improving the life of every European? How can the outrageous presumptuousness of those Germans, who expect us to put our own money into saving our economy, go unanswered? Why aren’t other European countries jostling each other to be the first to offer their assets in defense of Cypriot savings? Sure, people in those countries often earn less, work more and have fewer social benefits, but that’s irrelevant!

Sadly, these reasonable questions will have to go unanswered—some things are just too crazy to explain.

The one mystery that remains is this: how have the Germans managed to get Cyprus’ own president Anastasiades, to support their cause? Has he been coerced by the Germans, or is it possible that the notoriously ingenious German engineers have developed a mind-control device? We do not know the answer. What we do know is that Anastasiades’ insistence during the surrender negotiations on Cypriot bank account holders losing part of their savings provided invaluable aid in compounding the damage done to the Cypriot economy. Surely such a service was not rendered by coincidence!

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